Week 8

Last week it was a war on storage. This week a war on paperwork and the amount of it that is currently coming through my letterbox regarding the Eastleigh by-election.  I think the Conservative Party have felled an entire forest in order to produce a daily bulletin extolling the virtues of their candidate.  I know she is local, and I know she is a ‘working’ mum with 4 children – this point is stressed in every pamphlet as if it should be main reason she deserves my vote. What  is it exactly that she works at? The omission of any specific job title makes me suspect she is a business woman earning mega-bucks. She’s obviously not a teacher, a doctor or a nurse, if that was the case her publicity machine would be crying it out from the rooftops. I suppose if I was that interested I would Google her to find out but to be honest, I’ve got better things to do. Several trips a day to the recycling bin are currently taking up my time.

Of the other dozen or so candidates all I know from the mountains of literature accumulating on the doormat is that they are all very good at slagging each other off. There are faults with all of them and it is becoming quite a dilemma. Who do I vote for?

The fact that I am even thinking about or debating this matter makes me realise I have too much time on my hands and I need to get busy. Having the teenager at home for half term has helped. I have to take her shopping for new shoes - always fun. I need to remember she has requested my presence on the shopping trip solely for my financial support - not my fashion advice. I must learn to keep quiet.

The sunshine has also fuelled my enthusiasm to get outdoors – the garden has been dug over, and is readily prepared awaiting the arrival of the landscaper who is going to aid my creative vision of horticultural heaven with the installation of a new patio and path. Hard landscaping should always be completed before any planting, according to my hero Alan Titchmarsh. I wish someone had told my sweet peas that. They need to stop growing. Religiously following the guidelines in my Gardener’s World magazine it said now was the time to sow sweet peas. I love sweet peas, they are one of my favourite flowers and I thought I would get ahead, sow the seeds indoors as per instructions, then have them ready to plant out around some fancy French rustic obelisk as soon as the new garden was ready.

However within a matter of 48 hours the seeds had germinated and are now romping way ahead of schedule in scenes reminiscent of Jack & the Beanstalk. These are not sweat peas, these are triffids and they are going to need planting outside long before the garden is ready.  What have I done to them – not enough light, too much light, have I deprived them of water or given them too much?

If one of those by-election candidates could actually do something useful and put some gardening advice into their leaflets, I might well be tempted to get out there and vote.